It's been a while

It's time to to catch up on all that we have been experiencing since September - my last entry. Halloween, Gabe's birthday, Thanksgiving, my birthday, Kevin's parents' visit and now it is nearly Christmas. Oh, and the best news of all...I'm pregnant! Almost 4 months now. That has been a major contributor to my lack of writing. I have felt anti-computer for over a month and sleeping nearly 12 hours a day, when I can. Here is the update.

On Halloween, we had about 6 couples and their kids over for a small party and trick-or-treating. We had a great time. Here is a quick picture...

Gabe's birthday was a lot of fun. We had a it in our backyard with a jumpy, dinosaur cake and Gabe's favorite, dinosaur pinata. You gotta to love Southern California. It was November 9th and scorching hot. Gabe and the kids had a fun day - as you can see.

For Thanksgiving, we went over to a friends house the night before for a potluck. All of our mommy preschool parent friendds and kids were there. On Turkey day, we drove up to visit our friend Shan and her family. We had a nice quiet day with great company.

My birthday almost passed without notice (by me). I actually woke up and forgot it was my birthday until Kevin told me. I must be getting senile with my old age. I went to yoga and Kevin had made me breakfast when I got home. Then he watched Gabe all day and took me out for a nice, Gabe-free dinner at the Prado. Great day.

Kevin's parents came out for a visit two days later and stayed about a week. We really enjoyed their visit and Gabe had fun playing with Poppie and going shopping and to museums with Mimi. He picked out so many Christmas toys it is going to take us two days to open them all. I was sad to see them go and, as usual, it makes me feel alone out here and wondering why we are here - so far from family. Don't get me wrong, we have wonderful friends, wonderful, but they can't be family like your family is family - follow? You can't drop your kids off guilt free with them or take off for a kid-free weekend. Plus, while your friends may love your kid(s), they don't love them like the grandparents. We love San Diego and couldn't leave if we wanted to, but the "what ifs" tend to come out when family visits and helps us out so much.

We still love our house so much. Christmas time is always the best because the decorations make the house feel so warm and cozy. I cannot wait for Christmas morning to see Gabe's little face as he opens all of his gifts. I'll try to update then. Until then, merry, merry Christmas. 2008 has been a beautiful year. Yes we can!

Great weekend

On Friday night we hosted a party to watch the debates. It was super casual and about five families attended. What was so nice was the 13 year old girls across the street baby sat a group of five kids and two babies (her mom was home too), so they were out of our hands for a good 1 1/2 hours. The kids came back over after the debates and it was chaos for the next hour. We had a lot of fun with our grown up friends talking politics and drinking wine.

On Saturday, I went to yoga and then we went to Gabe's friend Ry's 3rd birthday party. For the next month and a half we have at least one birthday a weekend. Its amazing how all of Gabe's friends are within a month of his birthday.

On Sunday, we went to the pool and Gabe began swimming underwater for the first time. He was so proud of himself. Kevin is great about showing him things and then Gabe will mimic. I have to say that Gabe is a super cautious kid, you can't push him to do anything, and that is why classes have not worked. Leading by example seems to be the best approach with swimming, and probably everything else that has to do with raising kids. On Sunday afternoon, after Gabe's nap, his friend Rulian came over for a playground visit, mini-soccer game, and some dinner. It was good to catch up with Rulian's dad, Rafter too!

San Francisco!

Cable car ride

Exploratorium
I love this picture!

Gabe the rock star.

Last weekend, the Mathis family headed up to San Francisco for business and pleasure. On Friday, I had a work meeting so Kevin and Gabe played at a nearby public market (lots of food and kids rides and a ball room) and the hotel pool. The rest of the trip we toured San Francisco. Leslie met us for the day and showed us all the sites: a cable car ride, North Beach for lunch, a hike up Coit Tower, tons of bus rides (for Gabe), the occasional playground, and finally the Marina District where we walked around the Exploratorium and went to the beach. Above are a few of my favorite pictures from the trip. The last one is really weird. A group of about 10 Asians wanted their picture taken with a blond haired mom and her daughter, and then they saw Gabe and wanted a picture with him. Must bring luck? Leslie and I ran up after the picture and said, "We want our picture taken too!" I guess you had to be there.

Quality time

It has been a great week so far. On Monday, Gabe went to preschool. Let's just say he wasn't as happy to be there as he was on Friday. Kevin dropped him off and said it was painful. His teacher Katrin said that he was fine the rest of the day, just cried when his dad left. She reassured us that it would get better each time that he came. I hope it is a quick transition because I have to drop him off on Friday and when that kid cries for me, it's like someone is ripping my heart out through my stomach. These are not normal cries either. They are packed with tearing words like, "Mommy, can you hear me? Mommy, please answer me. Please don't leave me here mommy." It takes every ounce of will power that I have not to rush in there, pick him up and say, "we're done." I have been assured that every kid in his class has done the same thing at first and that in a month, he will be crying when he has to go home. A whole month? Kevin and I love the school and feel like it is a good combination of organized play with learning. The teachers are so loving and I've heard that they will even come to your house and babysit so that Gabe can get used to them a little faster. While Gabe was in school, I got to work a full five hours and it felt great. Kevin and I agreed that I spend close to 160 hours a week with Gabe - so 10 hours a way from me isn't going to scar him for life. Can you tell I'm still trying to convince myself of this? The cool thing is, I get SO much done while he is at school that when we are together, it is full on Gabe and mom quality time. I don't have to sneak away to the computer because I have some work...its all about Gabe. So Tuesday and Wednesday have been chocked full of fun times together.

On Tuesday, we spent the morning at the zoo with friends. Here is Gabe on the skyride. Which we had to ride twice. He is really into the monkeys (as usual), the lizards, and the Galápagos tortoises (on your mark, get set, go!).


Today, we went to playschool and the theme was textures. We did rubs of fish and dinosaurs with different stickers and materials. He loved this craft. We are off to buy some stensils tomorrow. The lady who hosted was so creative. She made triangle shaped crayons using ice cube trays and melted old crayon nubs. They were colorful and the perfect shape for the kids. Here is a picture of the kids' artwork. Gabe's is the bottom left (says the proud mama bear). Afterwards, we stayed at the playground for a long, long time. Gabe was worn out when we got home and took a three hour nap (ok, we took a three hour nap). And later tonight I will pay for it during a date with my little friend, insomnia.

Finally, here are a few pictures taken from the last two weekends. A week ago, we went to a friends birthday party at the train museum park. The theme was "Thomas" - duh. We went on mutiple train rides. Then last weekend we went to a friends birthday brunch. Gabe was busy as usual, transporting goods from one end of the house to the other (sorry Elaine)...in Mickey Mouse ears.

A family that swims together...

Kevin, Gabe and I went to the pool today. Gabe is doing great on the kick board - check out his balance. He is also swimming to daddy short distances (a mixture of on top of and under the water) and loves jumping off the side. After the pool, we went out for sushi and then napped. Tonight we'll do dinner and a movie. It was a fun, hot day.

Gabe's 1st day of preschool

Oh my gosh. How flippin cute is Gabe with his lunch box - all ready for school?? Can you believe that this kid is not even three? He looks so grown up.

Today is Gabe's first big day at preschool. I was so worried that he would have problems with me leaving but he didn't. I stayed for about 30 minutes while he played, told him that I was going, he gave me a kiss and I said bye. He looked at me as I was walking out the door and then continued playing with the newly discovered trains. I know it won't always be this easy (especially once he realizes that I'm not coming right back) but he'll be fine. The teachers were very attentive and even though they were speaking German, he seemed to understand how to put his lunch in his cubby and going to the potty. We're off to a good start. Now I don't know what to do with myself!

I guess Sam and I are off for a private date and then I'll get some work done. Wow, three consecuative hours to concentrate on my work - unheard of.

A girl’s best friend…

Can change throughout her life. Maybe it’s your husband, or your mom or sister. Maybe you have a girl best friend that you grew up with or met in college, or maybe it’s a guy. And if you’re lucky enough (or crazy enough), maybe you have the gift of also having a canine for your best friend. My doggie best friend is a gal named Sam – also known as Sammy Sam Sam (best said in a baby voice like “thammy, tham, tham”), or Sam-a-lama-ding-dong, the Saminator, and of course, Samonila.

Recently, my best girl friend Carey, told me some sad news about her female German Shepherd, Cydney (Cyd and Sam are also best friends). Cydney has a condition called Degenerative Myelopathy (DM). It primarily affects the GS breed and is very similar to Multiple Sclerosis in humans – although typically affecting the back legs only. After Carey sent me information on the symptoms, I realized that my Sammy has it too – only to a lesser extent than Cydney. In the morning, when Sam first gets up, she walks like a newborn colt on her back legs. They seem unstable, almost like they aren’t doing what her brain is telling them to do. When lying down, her legs get crossed and she has a difficult (if not impossible) time getting them uncrossed to stand. She uses her front legs to do most of the work going up stairs and to help her get to a standing position from lying down. It’s hard to watch and I can’t help but think about the inevitable. But that is the difficult part about loving a dog - defining that inevitability. With humans, we have personal choices or living wills. We can stay hooked up to a machine for years if we or a loved one wants us to. For pets, this is much less acceptable. So we are forced to decide when their “quality of life” is no longer sufficient to keep them alive. And it is the choices that we make during this remaining time with our aging or ailing friends that separates many pet owners.

Carey is at one end of the spectrum. Since she and her husband can’t afford the visits to the doggie neurologist, water therapy, specific diet and supplements required to keep her healthy for as long as possible, she has started making and selling jewelry. She sells the jewelry to coworkers (she’s an occupational therapist), to her friends, and has even created a web site devoted to selling jewelry for Cyd’s enhanced quality of life. Carey bought Cyd an above ground swimming pool (and her two girls love it too), so she could give her daily water therapy. She decided that if and when Cydney’s back legs go, she will get her a doggie wheelchair and together, she and I will pimp it out to the fullest. And for this, I truly love my friend. I forget who I was telling this story to, but the response was, “I just don’t get why people spend so much time, money and energy on prolonging a pet’s life for such a short amount of time, and plus the dog can’t be happy in a wheelchair.” This is a different part of the spectrum. And this is where I disagree. Dogs know no self-pity. They do not feel embarrassed in a wheelchair, or missing a leg or two legs, they just adapt and move forward. They are the definition of resilience. Also, if you consider the length of a large dog’s life – 14 years if you’re lucky – adding 6 months through preventative diet and exercise, extends their life by 3.5%. That’s about 3 years to us humans (based on U.S. average of 82 years). I can’t remember if the respondent was a personal pet owner or a family pet owner. But I think there is sometimes a difference.

You see, Sam is my dog. I got her when she was 8 weeks old, and she’s 12 ½ - still sassy by GS standards. I raised her all by myself. I calmed her puppy yelps and house-trained her in 21 days, just like the book said I would. I rode my bike to class, rode home and let her out, rode back to class, rode home again and let her out, and then rode to work. I missed weekend trips with my friends, because I had a pup to take care of. She was my first commitment, my first baby. Sam has been with me through 2 breakups, 5 roommates (not including Kevin and Gabe), a thesis dissertation (not a pretty time), a marriage, and the birth of our child. She brought me and Carey together as best friends – through our love of German Shepherds. She rode across country with me - head out the window (hers not mine), marked her territory in 11 states, and ate and threw up wheat in Kansas. She started a new home with me and Kevin on the opposite side of the country from the only home we had ever known. She’s known me longer than my husband. She loves me like no other. She is mine and I am hers. And at this very moment, she is my own personal foot warmer.

I am not saying that I love my dog more than you family pet owners love your pets. I am just saying that Sam and I have shared things, personal parts of my life that no one else has. She has been present and helped define chapters of my life. And that makes our bond strong and my commitment level high.

And for the reasons listed above, and more, I will do whatever it takes – long, slow walks, special garlic, ginger, and veggie enhanced diets, extra trips to the vet, swim therapy, get a second job - and spend whatever it takes to keep my doggie best friend alive and well, for as long as possible.

So let's go on a walk Sam. What's that, girl? You want to go to Starbucks? Oh, all right. If you insist.

Gabe is sick again

Poor Gabe has another fever. It was just last month that he had a cold and mystery fever at the end of the cold. Now the fever is paired with a sore throat. I took him to the doctor today to get a strep culture. His tonsils were quite swollen. I hate it when my baby doesn't feel well. He starts preschool on Friday so I am hoping it is a passing thing and all will be better by the end of the week.

Today we went to Costco and I broke down and bought him an "illness gift." He didn't even ask for it. I just felt so sorry for him - all lethargic in the shopping cart - that I had to buy him a new truck. He played with it all day so it was totally worth it.

I taught my class tonight and really like my students this semester. A lot of different professions being represented so I get to learn from them too.

Wish us luck on the fast healing.

Catching up

This week was super fun and super busy.

On Sunday, the family went to Gabe's friend Helena's birthday party. It was Cinderella themed and the mom did such an amazing job. There were chores to do (because that's what Cinderella had to do before the ball), a key hunt which opened a big treasure box of tiaras and shawls for the girls and crowns and swords for the boys. Then we went on a carriage ride (horse and all) through the park. The pictures are from our fun day.

On Monday, we gardened and washed daddy's car, went to the playground, napped, and took Sam on several walks, one to the ice cream store.

On Tuesday, we met a couple of friends at a different playground, packed a picnic lunch and stayed for hours. That night I started teaching again.

On Wednesday, we went to our mommy playschool. The theme was colors. This week we met in a park, no playground in sight. We warmed up with chasing bubbles (1st picture below) and then we were about to do our stretches and songs when a group of about 50 military guys came running up. They did 20 minutes of exercises in a circle, which the kids loved and mimiced. Next, we mixed paints to learn about primary colors and how secondary colors are formed. Then the kids painted using different brushes, rollers and sponges. Gabe was interested for about 5 minutes and then he said, "mama, I just wanna run." So he ran. We ate lunch together, cleaned up and went home. That night, I met my new students on-line and we chatted about lab assignments.


On Thursday, Gabe and I tried to go to the gym but Gabe was very upset about the idea of me leaving. His friend Rulian was there and Gabe was very excited about playing with him but when we got there, he became very upset when I tried to leave (to the point of hyper-ventilating). This phase comes at a very inopportune time, as he starts preschool next Friday. I worry about him, but I really want him to learn that after I leave, he can (and does) have fun with the other children. Its just that initial fear of me not being there that upsets him. This is a new phase because a month ago, I could drop him off anywhere and he screamed when I picked him up, not left. Anywho, we ran errands, video store, gas, Target, library, and a short trip to the playground. Thursday night I taught. I love my class this semester. The students are great. After class, around 9pm, I took Gabe to Kevin's soccer game. It was a late night but Gabe loved it. He kept saying, "Go dad! Try your personal best." He was copying a five year old that was screaming the same thing at her dad. We went to bed around 11pm.

And it is finally Friday. Ahhh. This morning I went to yoga (I went Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday too), and then Gabe and I packed a lunch and went to playgroup. It was at the beach so Gabe had a great time. On the way, we saw some policemen riding horses near the beach. Gabe was so excited and waved to them. He said, "I wanna ride." I told him that maybe someday he could be a policeman and drive a cool police car or ride a police horse and then I asked, "so Gabe, what do you want to be when you grow up?" He said, "a policeman's horse." I asked if he meant a policeman who rides a horse and he said very adamantly, "No mama, I wanna be a policman's horse." Ok. So cute. We stayed at playgroup for a couple of hours and then came home around 2:30pm, had a snack and napped for 3 hours. We both needed it. Now I am wide awake. We are about to take Sam on a long walk and get some groceries along the way. Tomorrow I am off to yoga and then we head to another birthday party.

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

Defiance - part 2 (of many I'm sure)

Yesterday, Gabe spent the day at a friends house while I got some work done. My friend, Oanh, dropped him off around 2pm and he came running up to me and immediately wanted to play with the water hose. I usually don't allow this because of the drought, but I wanted to talk to Oanh so I let him water the grass for a few minutes. Next thing you know, Gabe sprays Oanh's jeans and shoes. I turned the water off and asked Gabe to apologize. He said, "sorry" and then asked to have it on again. I re-enforced that we only water green things - he said ok - and I turned on the water, lower pressure than before. Well, he did not like this, at all. He started whining, "turn the water on higher mom. Turn it up!" I told him no, it was fine like it was. I kid you not, he turns the water hose, points it at my face and sprays me (on power JET setting I might add) for a good 10 seconds. I couldn't even see to stand up. Finally, I got the water turned off and Gabe got a time out. He sat on the porch for 10 minutes before he would even apologize to me. Um, does anyone know what happend to my sweet little boy of just last week? Can I trade this one in for him?

On a happier note, today I took Gabe and Soren to a music class. We sang songs, learned lots of cool new hand motions to go with the songs, danced with scarves (which kind of freaked Gabe out) and played maracas, tamborines, and Gabe's favorite, the triangle. I had to secretly take this picture because Gabe was so self-conscious with the scarves. Do you think he just inherently knows that dancing with scarves is a feminine act and doesn't like it? He sure didn't mind getting his grove on to the other songs. Who knows. Anyway, we had a lot of fun. I highly recommend the class: www.songbirdsmusic.com.

Ok, where did THAT come from?

Today, Gabe embarked on a new level of defiance. It was above the normal, “Gabe, don’t do that,” and him doing it again. Today it went more like:
Me: Gabe, not in your mouth. Car tires are yucky and a choke hazard.
Gabe (full scream): NO I DON’T. DON’T TALK TO ME. LEAVE.
Me: Ok, I’ll leave but I’m taking the tires.
Gabe: NOOOOO. I WANT THE CAR TIRES NOW!
Followed by 2 minutes of crying before he moved on to something else. It was an extrememly defiant day though. Everything was “Gabe, please stop, don’t, I said no.” And of course, he stopped long enough to look me in the eyes and do it again.

What’s even more funny - yesterday he didn’t want to take a nap. I let him watch 10 minutes of cartoons in bed and then told him I was turning the TV off (and did). He started crying and I lay down on the bed next to him and said that I was sorry but it was quiet time. I closed my eyes and while I was pretending to sleep he said (crying), “I want the TV on ALLLWAYSS. Don’t turn the TV off mom. Everrr. No sir. You don’t do that. That’s dangerous. You are in trouble Mr.” It was hilarious hearing many of my corrections thrown back at me, wrong gender use and out of context.

I love my friend.

My friend Leslie is coming in town this weekend. We used to work together at SANDAG - way back when. She moved to Sacramento a few years ago to go to law school and now she is some big shot, fancy smancy environmental lawyer (which I'm very proud of). When she lived in San Diego, she, Rebecca and I would do so many fun things together. This was pre-kid fun, mind you. We would have dinners at Leslie's house - a haven from the shared and hairy living environments Rebecca and I were forced to be a part of - also known as marriage. We would go on hikes, out to dinner, to movies, you know, the regular chick stuff. I miss all that, but mostly I miss our talks. Leslie is one of those people that everybody likes and wants to be friends with. When she is talking to you, she makes you feel like you are the only person in the universe and has about 10 questions lined up at all times to ask you about yourself (and I LOVE talking about me!). She is out-spoken, geniune, honest, funny as hell, and laughs a lot. So on top of feeling super important because you've just been talking about yourself for 10 minutes, she also makes you feel hilarious because she's constantly laughing. And on the rare occasion, when you can get her all to yourself, you can learn about her. She's also very beautiful.

So Leslie, this is my little homage to you. All of my friends deserve a shout out, but today is Leslie's day. Thank you for flying 3,000 miles to be in my wedding. Thank you for flying 500 miles to attend Rebecca's and my 1 year old's birthday parties. Thank you for flying 500 miles to run the last five miles of my marathon with me (and for the really cool shirts). And thank you for being my friend and my family. I love you.

Sunday Night: Anxiety 1, me 0

Last night, 2AM and I lay wide awake. Gabe had a fever and bad cough. He wanted to lay on my lap so we lay there, him radiating 103 degrees of heat but cold so we had the covers on us, me sweating, worrying that he may have pneumonia. My right shoulder was hurting from a combination of an old car wreck injury and inconveniently, the same place I hold my stress. That is when the anxiety kicked in and provided my mind with fuel to race into overdrive for another hour, sporadically giving me bits of sleep for the rest of the night.

This form of anxiety induced insomnia hasn’t happened to me in awhile. I used to wake up pretty regularly around 3AM for about an hour until I upped my yoga. My yoga helps sleep pretty soundly and pain free. Even though it wasn’t working for me last night, I knew that by 8:30AM this morning, I would feel all better as the pain would get stretched out in yoga class. Then something hit me. What if I got pregnant again and couldn’t do my yoga due to morning sickness or the heat is too much for the baby? And then my mind – and shoulder pain – went to town. What if the baby is born and I can’t go to yoga or work out at all and I’m in worse condition than I was when Gabe was born. I don’t want to ever go through that again. Having another baby is definitely worth the risk and I’m 110% sure of that, I just wish I could do a better job of controlling it all sometimes. I have a shut off tool that usually works, it’s when it doesn’t that I lose and the anxiety wins.

On a brighter note, this morning I am pain free (and sleepy). I was right after all, yoga made it all better. It also cleared my head and made me realize that what I didn’t have with Gabe was the knowledge that Bikram yoga existed and would work for me. Back then I didn’t know that I would ever get better which exacerbated the pain, anxiety, and depression. Now that I know I have it, there is no reason or possibility of my pain getting that bad again. Too bad I don’t think this clearly at 2AM. Maybe someone should consider opening a 2AM yoga class for insomniacs. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t attend.

By the way, Gabe is ok. He went to the doctor and may have a virus but his lungs are fine. His fever is lower today.

So hard, but so good

My alarm went off at 5:45am. I felt unbelievably sleepy and the alarm chime became part of some warm dream now forgotten. Then I popped out of bed, almost on autopilot. Walked into the bathroom where my yoga clothes were neatly waiting for me. I started to brush my teeth and that's when the pre-yoga head games began.

"I'm so sleepy, maybe I need more rest. I should go back to bed. No you're up now, you won't be able to go back to sleep. Go to yoga. But I don't think I drank enough water yesterday. I'll be exhausted. You'll be fine. I'm feeling sad, I need to snuggle Gabe. No, yoga will help you be a better mom to Gabe. What if I am cranky later because I haven't had enough sleep and I'm extra tired from not drinking enough water? You'll be fine. Go. But I can go tomorrow." Then it hit me that I can't go tomorrow and the game was over. The good side won.

Believe it or not. This conversation in my head took 5 minutes. It amazes me how powerful and consuming the lazy, sleepy side can be. Needless to say, I felt a thousand times better after I left yoga. Not 100 times, a 1,000 times better. No longer feeling sad, and I feeling super strong because I kicked some yoga butt (and pre-yoga head game butt). And being tired and "supposedly" not drinking enough water did not seem to slow me down. I hope I can remember all of this on Sunday AM, when the head games return.

Good job will-power and thank you yoga. I cannot express enough how happy I am to have found something that works for me on so many levels.

Love our mommy preschool

The last two weeks of mommy preschool have been super fun. Last week we learned a lot of new songs, decorated the first letter of our name and PEELED A BOILED EGG. Gabe loved that. He was very tenacious and concentrated during the whole process. This week, the topic was germination. We learned about how seeds grow - then planted seeds in our very own pot and watered them. Now we get to wait and watch it grow.

Potty training is going ok. He gets it best in the morning. The afternoons are more difficult. But practice makes perfect. We're still taking it slow.

Friends, friends, 1,2,3

All my friends are here with me. Gabe and I have been making some great new friends through our weekly coop preschool. Here is a picture of Gabe with his new friends Ruhi and Aryav (and his mom Payal).

The first day of potty training

It started out strong. No accidents until after nap time. It's going to be a long week.

Saturday nights

This past Saturday, we met some friends at Bird Park in North Park to listen to a band. Its a weekly event with tons of kids and parents running around. Gabe had a blast.

To preschool or not to preschool?

Ok it has been awhile since I last wrote but no time like the present to start again. So here goes... I have Gabe signed up for preschool in September. The thought of him going has me equally excited to have some grown up time to work from home (and make some extra money) but it also has me very, very nervous. Questions keep plaguing my thoughts: Is he too young? Is he still too attached? What if he needs me and I'm not there? Am I pushing him into preschool because his friends (and moms) are doing it? Am I doing it for selfish reasons (me time)? My other concern is that it is a German immersion preschool that is completely play based, and completely in German (in preparance for his K-8 German school in our neighborhood). Will he get overly frustrated? Will he feel lonely? What if he needs me? I'm 99% sure that I'm transferring. I mean first, PLENTY of kids learn second languages and they don't feel lonely - they just don't know what the person is talking about at first, simple as that. Also, every time I leave him at a friends house, he never wants to come home. Half the time when I go somewhere without him, he doesn't care if I'm gone. But its the other half that pulls at the heart strings. I mean, he will still be under 3 in September (ok, two months away from being three) but still...am I pushing him to socialize, to become well adjusted, to join the rat-race too soon? These are all questions and concerns coming from a stay-at-home mom, mind you, but he is a stay-at-home kid. We love spending time together, with other friends, but he still likes having me there.

I am torn but we will give it a try. Fortunately, he has two other friends that will be carpooling with us and one will be part of his class so he will never be dropped off alone. He tends to do better in these situations. And I will probably attend the school with him the first couple of times. I am hoping he loves it and looks forward to it each week.

On another note, I am part of a preschool coop where 8 moms and children get together once a week at alternating homes to provide our kids with preschool related tasks, friends, and overall environment. We read stories and sing songs and try to have circle time. The kids are learning to transition from playing to learning time to lunch to playtime. Its a great group of women. I absolutely love being a mom. I think it is amazing how parenthood introduces you to so many things that you cannot possibly experience outside of parenting and so many people that you probably never would have been friends with (or even met for that matter) were it not for kid. The picture below is from the coop preschool. Our theme for the week was bugs (that is what they are looking at). The top picture is of Gabe in a tent at our house with some preschool buddies.

Pennies for the fireplace

Today I was sitting on the couch doing my afternoon Su Doku when Gabe started playing on the hearth in front of our fireplace. He said, "Mommy, owls live in fireplace." For a while he has thought that all or some owls live in our fireplace - and they very well may. But then he started removing the screen. I said, "oh no Gabe, the fireplace is no place to play. Its where we have fires and its very dirty." He said, "I want a fire. Make a fire mommy." I tried to explain that the fireplace needed cleaning and that it cost money and we don't have money for the fireplace right now. So no fires." He stood there for a minute and then ran out of the room. When he came back he had four pennies for me. He said, "here mommy, money for the fireplace." So cute and might I add, pretty genius.

Gabe's first major haircut

Yesterday (Monday) was Gabe's first major haircut (it took me a day to recover from it). I was going to get an inch cut off and then decided hey - since I'm paying for it - why not do something a little different? Big mistake. Before the lady could even finish (which was fortunately close to the end), he jumps out of the chair, runs across the room and starts pulling at his hair crying, "mommy, I want my hair back, please mommy, put it back." I felt like the worst mom - EVER. We immediately went to the playground - lolly pop in hand. When we got home, he let me trim it a little to even things out (I'm guessing out of fear of me taking him back to the haircut place). Today, we looked in the mirror and he asked for another lolly pop. I gave him one and he said, "I wanna another haircut." Here's his cool new do - he insisted I be in the picture too.

Yoga - March 31 (6:30AM class)

I did it! Today I finished my yoga challenge. I completed 28 days total, 25 in a row. For those of you that know me well (type A), you know that not completing a whole amount (e.g., the full 31 days of March) makes me a little crazy. But the point is, I challenged myself and met the challenge.

Below are a few things I have gained (or lost) from my 25 day Bikram experience…
• I lost 4 lbs! Unfortunately the 4lbs were not localized to my abs. I also noticed that I only ate what I needed and had no cravings (except on Easter Sunday).
• I discovered that one hour of Bikram yoga burns 635 calories and the class is an hour and a half long.
• To attend Bikram everyday, my body needs 3L (plus) of water to feel hydrated. By hydrated I mean not feeling any soreness from a class or fatigued for the next class.
• I discovered that if you take it easy, you can heal a pulled/strained muscle while taking Bikram classes. It actually promotes healing versus adding stress.
• I feel happier and calmer, especially in stressful situations.
• I have gained self-confidence in my poses and in my life and self-discipline (because there were some mornings that I did NOT want to go).
• I gained increased flexibility overall and improved symmetry in my poses (although one side is still stronger). I have increased strength and stamina and rarely feel fatigued after a pose or class. I also exceeded many of my goals for individual poses: 1) Camel Pose: I no longer use my aid and I am now doing the full extension of the posture, which I had not even planned to do 2) Half Moon with Hands to Feet Pose: I got my legs locked (once, but still) 3) Triangle Pose: Seems much, much easier and I actually got a compliment in it one day.

I completed 25 consecutive days of yoga - through 6:30AM classes and several sleepless nights, a cold, Easter Sunday logistics, and a pulled muscle in my back – so no more excuses not to go (got that little voice in my head)?

Yoga - March 26-30

March 26 (Wednesday) 6:30AM class - Only 5 days left and I'm ready to take a break. Back is slowly healing and I'm dreading getting up in the mornings. Instead of being something I want to do, it is something I have to do. I will get a better attitude when I'm done.
March 27 (Thursday) 6:30AM class - Ditto.
March 28 (Friday) 6:30AM class - I'm excited for Leslie to get here. She may take a class with me. I'm taking it easy still to heal my back (left mid). It now feels more annoying than painful and I can get back into Fixed Firm, Head to Knee with Stretching Pose, and Spine Twisting (but barely).
March 29 (Saturday) 8AM class - Felt good today. Looking forward to a fun afternoon.
March 30 (Sunday) 8AM class - One more day! I can't wait too because I was dragging today. It was painful. I felt so fatigued. I'm guessing I didn't drink enough water yesterday hanging out with the girls. I thought I was going to cry in a couple of poses because I was so tired physically. I went in with a pretty good attitude too. Sometimes your body just needs some rest.

Yoga - March 24-25 (6:30AM class)

March 24 (Monday) – After Sunday, I really took it easy. I notice that I feel a strain in my left side during Triangle and Fixed Firm really aggravates it. I stayed out of Fixed Firm and did a mild version of Triangle (on my left, right-side was normal). I am also avoiding Head To Knee Pose w/Stretching Pose and Final Spine Twisting Pose (left side only). The pain has mostly localized in my left trap and shoulder blade but I can still feel it (a little) in my middle back. I did all other poses normally but did not push myself in them. I took 2 Advil and had no pain or soreness after class.
March 25 (Tuesday) – I felt a lot better today. No pain in my trap although the middle back pain (left side still) was more pronounced. I took it easy in the same poses mentioned above. I am hoping tomorrow to get back into a few of them, even if mildly. Even though my muscle felt slightly strained in class, I did not feel any soreness after class today and took no medication. Only 6 more days!

Yoga - March 23 (4:30 PM class)

So, on the way to yoga today I'm thinking, "the 4:30 PM class is going to be soooo hot (because it was a hot day and afternoon classes are always hotter than my 6:30 AM class)...it's going to kick my butt." Well, it was hotter but it wasn't harder. It was actually easier. For some reason, I felt super strong (but alas, my back was bugging me). My legs felt strong and I didn't even mind Awkward Pose (and that's unheard of!). I reached my goal of "locking my knees" in Half-Moon with Hands to Feet Pose (second set). My goal was to do it just once, and just once it is going to be (for a while) because my hamstrings are going to be sore tomorrow. I also touched my head to my left knee in Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee Pose. If my back was 100%, it would have been a great day. It hurt in Fixed Firm and it was down hill from there. I have 8 days left in my challenge and I'm concerned that the strain is not going to heal properly because I am not giving it a chance to rest. I guess the next 8 days will be a test of that. Can an injury heal if you continue to exert it?
PS - My back felt great at the end of yesterday and all day today before yoga. No pain. I drank more than 3L of water yesterday and I'm thinking that has a lot to do with it.

Happy Easter! 2008

We had a great Easter brunch and egg hunt this morning. Nicky, Helena, Soren, Ry, Indika and Aiden ran around searching for eggs while the adults sat back and watched. As things were winding down, we somehow were able to get this shot of them sitting still. Happy Easter.

Ready. Set. Go!

Kevin's parents are visiting us from SC. We never want them to leave. Here is video of Gabe and his Poppie racing up the driveway.

Yoga - March 18-22

March 18 (Tuesday) 6:30AM class - Yoga was hard today. I felt like my legs weighed a ton in Locust Pose and felt overall fatigued. Ugh.
March 19 (Wednesday) 6:30AM class - Today sucked. I did not want to be there. Everything felt hard but I did it. Yeah.
March 20 (Thursday) 6:30AM class - Today was the first day that I actually complained to Kevin about not wanting to go anymore. I miss waking up with Gabe and I'm tired. Kevin said, "So how far along are you?" I said, "only 11 days left," he said, "wow, you're already half-way through, that's amazing." He is very encouraging - not even a "suck it up, Mathis" just "that's amazing." So I realized I need an attitude adjustment more than anything. It was hard today, harder than yesterday. I have something weird going on in my middle back (left side) - like something is slightly pulled. It hurts a little in Triangle and especially in Spine Twisting at the end. The good thing about all of this is (aside from helping some great kids)...when I am done with the 25 days...going to yoga 4 days a week is going to be a piece of cake!
March 21 (Friday) 6:30AM class - So I had a little talk with myself on the way to yoga today and 1) enjoyed class much more, and 2) did a lot better in my poses. I felt stronger and not fatigued. I really pushed myself in Standing Bow and Standing Head-to-Knee. I still felt my little back thing which grew into a much worse back thing later on in the day. I don't know if I was stressed getting ready for Kevin's party or fatigued from yoga or dehydrated or all of the above, but it hurt all through the party. Oh well. I'll take it easy tomorrow in yoga. By the way, I hurt it blowing up a freaking balloon. How lame is that?
March 22 (Saturday) 8AM class - I took it super easy today in yoga. I had a little pain in my back from the night before. I felt it in poses where I held my arms up and realized I felt best in backbends. Spine Twisting pose was the worst and left things on a bad note. I actually did a few more sets of Bow Pose after class and felt better. I drank a lot of water today and feel a little better. Tonight it is annoying again - like a pinch or a shooting pain (at times). As long as I don't fully pull a muscle or have it lock up, I'll be happy. Hopefully a good night's sleep, lots of water and taking it easy again tomorrow will help me get past this thing. I will go to the 4:30pm class so I can spend Easter morning with Gabe!

Yoga - March 14-17

March 14 (Friday) 6:30AM class - Nothing new to report. I am getting more and more flexible and continued to do camel (1st set using aid, 2nd without).
March 15 (Saturday) 8AM class - Today was another great yoga day. I tried camel without using my aid at all and got into both sets. It was scary but I'm so glad I did it. Kevin and Rafter went with me this morning which made it a lot more fun. Overall, I feel great. I can see a lot of change in my flexibility - especially in half moon pose and my hamstrings.
March 16 (Sunday) 8AM class - I can see my whole foot now in Standing Bow Pulling Pose. I plan to work really hard on this one to get my leg higher and my body lower. My legs are also getting higher in Bow Pose and my knees didn't kill me Fixed Firm today. Camel - both sets, no aid.
March 17 (Monday) 6:30AM class - Happy St. Patrick's Day. Today was the first day that I really didn't want to go to yoga. Once I got there it - and past the warmup - it was much better. I felt like my left leg was hyper extending (pain) in Standing Head to Knee and Standing Bow Pulling Pose. I haven't felt this in a while. It tends to happen when I haven't been in a while and have lost strength in the leg. I'll run it by the instructors tomorrow to make sure I am not doing something wrong. Fixed Firm pose was painless in my knees and Camel felt great, even though I felt a litttle pinch in my right trap while in it. After I was out I felt amazing.

March 11-13 (6:30AM class)

March 11 (Tuesday) - Had another terrible night of sleep due to coughing/cold. I went to bed at 9pm, woke up at 11pm coughing, and felt like it was 2am. Then I woke up at 2am thinking, "ok, its 5am, at least I can get up now." But nope. It was only 2am. By 6am, I was exhausted. Anyway, I went to yoga, nothing really to note, except that I couldn't breathe through my nose very well (which you do for all poses). I felt more flexible, less stiff. Pretty much the same.
March 12 (Wednesday) -Ok, today was a good yoga day. Using my aid in camel pose, I actually grabbed a foot (left). I couldn't "find" my right foot so I came out. Tomorrow, I'm going for it. Other than that, I felt good. Just sleepy. I am not sore any more. I think my muscles were just fatigued at the beginning of class.
March 13 (Thursday) - Great day! I got into camel pose - second set - without using my aid! I actually did camel! This is a big deal for me because of my neck issues. My head had to release all the way back, with the added pull of gravity. Then I reached behind (while standing on my knees) and grabbed both feet. It felt amazing. The hard part was getting out. I feel like it was a big strain on my neck and muscles along my spine. I will probably be sore tomorrow. That's ok, because now I know I can do it! I have met one of my goals for the end of the month and I'm not even half way there. Yeah for me!

March 10 (Monday) 6:30AM class

After a restless night of sleep due to upper back soreness (traps and shoulder blades), a stuffy nose and coughing, I woke up feeling good and ready for yoga. After the Motrin didn’t work, I tried the ice, heat, ice thing and the pain was gone.

At yoga, I felt really good. No soreness (yeah!), a little tightness in my right trap (got worked out between Standing Bow and Triangle Pose). My hamstrings were tight, as usual, but slowly loosening - aka not screaming. I went farther in half-moon pose than I ever have in a morning class. It looks like my flexibility is already increasing. Still felt knee pain in Fixed Firm – I think from skipping three weeks in February. My goal for the end of the month is to see the following changes in these poses:

1 – Standing Deep Breathing – To raise elbows higher and relax neck more. Gain strength and flexibility in neck and shoulders.
2 - Half Moon with Hands to Feet Pose – Increased flexibility in shoulders (get both arms evenly behind ears) and sides, back bend (get arms back) and legs straight (just once!) in hands to feet (will require big time gain in hamstring flexibility)
5 - Standing Head To Knee Pose – To have even strength and flexibility on both sides. Left leg is weaker than right. Get right foot straight (heal behind toes).
6 - Standing Bow Pulling Pose – Increased flexibility in shoulders, legs and hips. Kick leg higher, kick leg higher.
9 – Triangle Pose – Not to feel like I’m going to die. To be even on both sides.
10 – Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee – To be more even and get forehead to touch knee.
11 – Tree Pose – To have even flexibility and strength in legs.
12 – Toe Stand Pose – To have even strength in both legs.
15 – Sit up – To keep legs on floor, gain more ab strength.
18 – Full Locust Pose – To get my arms higher, open up chest and shoulders
19 - Bow Pose – Get legs higher and head looking up more.
20 – Fixed Firm Pose – To not feel like my knee tendons are going to rip in half. Is there such a thing as a compound knee tendon fracture? This is what I visualize happening. Goal: To relax more into the pose.
22 – Camel Pose – To not use my aid anymore.
23 – Rabbit Pose – Get head closer to knees. So…far…away…
24 – Head To Knee Pose w/Stretching Pose – To get both legs flat on the floor (head to knee pose) and touch head to knee. Increase flexibility in hamstrings.

That’s all. I’m not hoping for too much, right? I will comment on any changes in these poses after 25 days. This is equivalent of me doing 8 weeks of yoga in less than 1 month. This should be interesting. Maybe I’ll keep going!

My March Yoga Challenge

So my yoga studio is doing a March fundraiser called Karma is Action. The challenge is to do more yoga than you normally do and find sponsors to represent you. For example, if you regularly attend Bikram yoga two days a week, increase to four days, and get 10 people to donate $10 each. The money sends children with cancer to an oncology camp so they can get out of the hospital and have some fun out doors. All doctors volunteer their time.

This comes at a very opportune and inopportune time as I haven’t been to yoga in 3 weeks (in February) due to health reasons. I coincidentally showed up to the challenge on March 1. My challenge is to go everyday for 25 days – March 7 through March 31 – and note any improvements in my stamina, appearance, and back. I will ask 10 people for $20. I wish I could make up the four days in March that I have already missed (March 2,3,4 and 6) but that would require two classes for four days and I don’t know if that is going to happen. I also have the added pressure (and encouragement) of a bet between my friend Rafter and I to see who can do the most yoga in March – and he is already 2 days ahead of me. I’m pretty competitive so we’ll see if I bust out three days of two classes just to one up him (or maybe he’ll get my cold and miss a day!). Bad Kim. Bad.

Here are my notes starting with the first three of 25 days.

March 7 (Friday) 6:30AM class – Felt the same, nothing to note.
March 8 (Saturday) 8AM class – A little more flexible in upper back and hamstrings (places where I am always tight). Sit ups seem easier. No back pain, no soreness. I did both sets of camel without my “aid.”
March 9 (Sunday) 8AM class – I didn’t want to get out of bed because I felt so crappy from my cold. I had already slept 10 hours and was sore from lying down too long - thus no reason to lie around more. Rafter and I carpooled, thank God or I may have missed. He hated me for getting him up an hour early due to the time change.
Yoga notes…owww. Upper back and neck are so sore. Hamstrings are tight. Shoulders feel like somebody punched me. The pain in my right trap is back and it was raising hell all through class. My trap hurt in most poses until camel pose (used aid). I am often surprised at what that one big, scary posture can accomplish. It seems to work out a lot of things. I was sore when I left, took two Motrin and Kevin gave me a little back rub. I feel normal now. I’ve had a constant, dull head-ache for the past two days. I drank 3 L of water plus juice both days so its not dehydration. I may need more Potassium and salt. Here’s hoping to a less soar tomorrow.

How Bikram Yoga Changed my Life

Years ago, I was in a car accident and injured my back. At the time I was young and walked away with some achy muscles in my neck and upper back. A few years and a kid later, things got worse. Before I was pregnant, long distance running helped work out the kinks. Once pregnant, things were great for 8 months, and then in my last month things got bad. I couldn’t sleep on my side (or any position) without suffering excruciating pain in my neck and back. Sound normal pregnant ladies? Well, unfortunately for me, this wasn’t normal pregnancy back pain. I couldn’t even sleep for one hour. I finally resorted to sleeping in my car. The pain worsened once my son, Gabe, was born. By the time he was four months, I couldn’t even hold him without having painful muscle spasms in my back and locked up muscles. I was on Tylenol with codeine, numerous muscle relaxers, and became extremely depressed. I would wake up at 2am with muscle spasms, and sit and cry feeling like the loneliest person in the world. We exhausted my husband, Kevin’s, sick time, and our finances hiring baby sitters and paying for physical therapists, chiropractors, and pain management specialists (think steriod injections in my back) and even "Yoga for back" classes. At one point my father-in-law came out and stayed with us to help with Gabe. This was extremely difficult for me because had I quit my job to be a stay at home mom, so not being able to take care of my own kid was a blow to my heart and ego along with my back. I started to improve slightly when Gabe turned 6 months and I could get back to the gym (6 months is the minimum age for gym day care). I started strengthening my back but was still in a lot of pain. Finally, I got an MRI and discovered that I have disk bulges in several locations in my cervical spine and disk degeneration.

Enter Bikram yoga. A neighbor encouraged me to take a class. My experience with yoga in the past was this: I am not a flexible person by nature – so I wasn’t good at it and I’ve never taken a class that didn’t make me feel like I tweaked something. Now don’t get me wrong, before I was pregnant, I was a strong lady. I ran marathons, swam and lifted weights 3-4 times a week. But yoga…just wasn’t for me. I attended a class at the Bikram School of Yoga – Kearny Mesa with the idea that, if I left without feeling worse, I would go back. I also researched Bikram and found out it has done wonders for others with back issues.

Now Bikram Yoga isn’t your ordinary yoga class. Bikram is taught in a heated room, at least 105 degrees Fahrenheit and 40% humidity. There are 26 postures, performed in sets of two. The postures and order of the postures do not change, no matter who teaches it or what Bikram school you attend, anywhere in the world. The instructor does not do the poses, but talks students through them and watches the class to make sure they are using proper form. The goal is to restore the body to its best, original state. The practice is focused on flexibility, strength building, and cardio. And it’s tough. My first class…I could barely do a single pose. I was encouraged to stay in the room and lay on the floor in Savasana when I couldn’t hold (or even get into) a pose. I thought I was going to burst into tears a couple of times. After the class, the instructor encouraged me to drink a lot of water to help reduce/prevent soreness. I rushed out to my car, took a muscle relaxer, went home and iced my back. I drank tons of water and at the end of the day, I didn’t feel any worse. I started going 2-3 days a week for about 6 months. At my prime, I attended 4-5 days a week and now try to go every other day.

A year later, I can sleep on my side (something I couldn’t do for a year after my son was born), and feel stronger than I have felt in a long time. I occasionally have (very) minor back pain, but then my job is to lift a 35lb kid throughout the day. I don’t have soreness and haven’t had muscle spasms or “pulled muscles” in over a year (or muscle relaxers!). I still struggle with the backbend poses, but I will get there eventually. I will practice Bikram Yoga for the rest of my life and encourage others out there suffering from back pain (or even those lucky healthy people) to give it a try. If you chose to stick with it, it will change your life too.

I love this guy.

Gabe is so amazing. We had a great day in Balboa park visiting the fish ponds, the Art Museum, the botanical gardens, the many fountains (because he had to stick his hand in each one), and a visit to the glass mosaic tile, play creature thingies. He ran up to the alligator creature below, stopped, and added, "tha funny."

It is days like today that replenish my stay at home mom batteries. It didn't hurt that the day ended with Gabe saying, "Thanks you mommy. Park fun."

We moved! Finally!

Ok, so these blogs are a little out of order (and late). We moved into our new house beginning Saturday, December 22 (we closed on December 19!, 2007) and it was a week long process. We hired some guys to help on Saturday then Kevin moved the rest for what seemed like another week. We had until Jan. 1 to get everything out of our old house. So here it is...





I will post more of the inside once we get a little more situated.

The house was built in 1911. We are trying to get it a historical designation for architecture and historic person. One of the original owners was a famous architect in San Diego. Below is a picture of their family sitting in the dining room in 1925. The dining room hasn't changed at all. The interior is amazingly preserved. We love this house and can't wait for family and friends to come visit.

Christmas Day 2007

Christmas Day started with a visit from Santa. Gabe has been a good boy this year! We went downstairs (in our new house!) and found a train table set up in the middle of the living room, a race track from Mimi and Poppie and presents under the tree.



After we spent some time playing with new toys, we had ham and mustard buscuits, blueberry muffins, coffee and mimosas. So yummy. Around 3pm, we walk two doors down to our neighbor Anne's house and had a wonderful Christmas dinner. Everyone brought a dish and it was delicious. We made it home in time to open the remaining gifts and then off to bed. It was a great Christmas Day - although we missed our families tremendously.