A girl’s best friend…

Can change throughout her life. Maybe it’s your husband, or your mom or sister. Maybe you have a girl best friend that you grew up with or met in college, or maybe it’s a guy. And if you’re lucky enough (or crazy enough), maybe you have the gift of also having a canine for your best friend. My doggie best friend is a gal named Sam – also known as Sammy Sam Sam (best said in a baby voice like “thammy, tham, tham”), or Sam-a-lama-ding-dong, the Saminator, and of course, Samonila.

Recently, my best girl friend Carey, told me some sad news about her female German Shepherd, Cydney (Cyd and Sam are also best friends). Cydney has a condition called Degenerative Myelopathy (DM). It primarily affects the GS breed and is very similar to Multiple Sclerosis in humans – although typically affecting the back legs only. After Carey sent me information on the symptoms, I realized that my Sammy has it too – only to a lesser extent than Cydney. In the morning, when Sam first gets up, she walks like a newborn colt on her back legs. They seem unstable, almost like they aren’t doing what her brain is telling them to do. When lying down, her legs get crossed and she has a difficult (if not impossible) time getting them uncrossed to stand. She uses her front legs to do most of the work going up stairs and to help her get to a standing position from lying down. It’s hard to watch and I can’t help but think about the inevitable. But that is the difficult part about loving a dog - defining that inevitability. With humans, we have personal choices or living wills. We can stay hooked up to a machine for years if we or a loved one wants us to. For pets, this is much less acceptable. So we are forced to decide when their “quality of life” is no longer sufficient to keep them alive. And it is the choices that we make during this remaining time with our aging or ailing friends that separates many pet owners.

Carey is at one end of the spectrum. Since she and her husband can’t afford the visits to the doggie neurologist, water therapy, specific diet and supplements required to keep her healthy for as long as possible, she has started making and selling jewelry. She sells the jewelry to coworkers (she’s an occupational therapist), to her friends, and has even created a web site devoted to selling jewelry for Cyd’s enhanced quality of life. Carey bought Cyd an above ground swimming pool (and her two girls love it too), so she could give her daily water therapy. She decided that if and when Cydney’s back legs go, she will get her a doggie wheelchair and together, she and I will pimp it out to the fullest. And for this, I truly love my friend. I forget who I was telling this story to, but the response was, “I just don’t get why people spend so much time, money and energy on prolonging a pet’s life for such a short amount of time, and plus the dog can’t be happy in a wheelchair.” This is a different part of the spectrum. And this is where I disagree. Dogs know no self-pity. They do not feel embarrassed in a wheelchair, or missing a leg or two legs, they just adapt and move forward. They are the definition of resilience. Also, if you consider the length of a large dog’s life – 14 years if you’re lucky – adding 6 months through preventative diet and exercise, extends their life by 3.5%. That’s about 3 years to us humans (based on U.S. average of 82 years). I can’t remember if the respondent was a personal pet owner or a family pet owner. But I think there is sometimes a difference.

You see, Sam is my dog. I got her when she was 8 weeks old, and she’s 12 ½ - still sassy by GS standards. I raised her all by myself. I calmed her puppy yelps and house-trained her in 21 days, just like the book said I would. I rode my bike to class, rode home and let her out, rode back to class, rode home again and let her out, and then rode to work. I missed weekend trips with my friends, because I had a pup to take care of. She was my first commitment, my first baby. Sam has been with me through 2 breakups, 5 roommates (not including Kevin and Gabe), a thesis dissertation (not a pretty time), a marriage, and the birth of our child. She brought me and Carey together as best friends – through our love of German Shepherds. She rode across country with me - head out the window (hers not mine), marked her territory in 11 states, and ate and threw up wheat in Kansas. She started a new home with me and Kevin on the opposite side of the country from the only home we had ever known. She’s known me longer than my husband. She loves me like no other. She is mine and I am hers. And at this very moment, she is my own personal foot warmer.

I am not saying that I love my dog more than you family pet owners love your pets. I am just saying that Sam and I have shared things, personal parts of my life that no one else has. She has been present and helped define chapters of my life. And that makes our bond strong and my commitment level high.

And for the reasons listed above, and more, I will do whatever it takes – long, slow walks, special garlic, ginger, and veggie enhanced diets, extra trips to the vet, swim therapy, get a second job - and spend whatever it takes to keep my doggie best friend alive and well, for as long as possible.

So let's go on a walk Sam. What's that, girl? You want to go to Starbucks? Oh, all right. If you insist.

Gabe is sick again

Poor Gabe has another fever. It was just last month that he had a cold and mystery fever at the end of the cold. Now the fever is paired with a sore throat. I took him to the doctor today to get a strep culture. His tonsils were quite swollen. I hate it when my baby doesn't feel well. He starts preschool on Friday so I am hoping it is a passing thing and all will be better by the end of the week.

Today we went to Costco and I broke down and bought him an "illness gift." He didn't even ask for it. I just felt so sorry for him - all lethargic in the shopping cart - that I had to buy him a new truck. He played with it all day so it was totally worth it.

I taught my class tonight and really like my students this semester. A lot of different professions being represented so I get to learn from them too.

Wish us luck on the fast healing.

Catching up

This week was super fun and super busy.

On Sunday, the family went to Gabe's friend Helena's birthday party. It was Cinderella themed and the mom did such an amazing job. There were chores to do (because that's what Cinderella had to do before the ball), a key hunt which opened a big treasure box of tiaras and shawls for the girls and crowns and swords for the boys. Then we went on a carriage ride (horse and all) through the park. The pictures are from our fun day.

On Monday, we gardened and washed daddy's car, went to the playground, napped, and took Sam on several walks, one to the ice cream store.

On Tuesday, we met a couple of friends at a different playground, packed a picnic lunch and stayed for hours. That night I started teaching again.

On Wednesday, we went to our mommy playschool. The theme was colors. This week we met in a park, no playground in sight. We warmed up with chasing bubbles (1st picture below) and then we were about to do our stretches and songs when a group of about 50 military guys came running up. They did 20 minutes of exercises in a circle, which the kids loved and mimiced. Next, we mixed paints to learn about primary colors and how secondary colors are formed. Then the kids painted using different brushes, rollers and sponges. Gabe was interested for about 5 minutes and then he said, "mama, I just wanna run." So he ran. We ate lunch together, cleaned up and went home. That night, I met my new students on-line and we chatted about lab assignments.


On Thursday, Gabe and I tried to go to the gym but Gabe was very upset about the idea of me leaving. His friend Rulian was there and Gabe was very excited about playing with him but when we got there, he became very upset when I tried to leave (to the point of hyper-ventilating). This phase comes at a very inopportune time, as he starts preschool next Friday. I worry about him, but I really want him to learn that after I leave, he can (and does) have fun with the other children. Its just that initial fear of me not being there that upsets him. This is a new phase because a month ago, I could drop him off anywhere and he screamed when I picked him up, not left. Anywho, we ran errands, video store, gas, Target, library, and a short trip to the playground. Thursday night I taught. I love my class this semester. The students are great. After class, around 9pm, I took Gabe to Kevin's soccer game. It was a late night but Gabe loved it. He kept saying, "Go dad! Try your personal best." He was copying a five year old that was screaming the same thing at her dad. We went to bed around 11pm.

And it is finally Friday. Ahhh. This morning I went to yoga (I went Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday too), and then Gabe and I packed a lunch and went to playgroup. It was at the beach so Gabe had a great time. On the way, we saw some policemen riding horses near the beach. Gabe was so excited and waved to them. He said, "I wanna ride." I told him that maybe someday he could be a policeman and drive a cool police car or ride a police horse and then I asked, "so Gabe, what do you want to be when you grow up?" He said, "a policeman's horse." I asked if he meant a policeman who rides a horse and he said very adamantly, "No mama, I wanna be a policman's horse." Ok. So cute. We stayed at playgroup for a couple of hours and then came home around 2:30pm, had a snack and napped for 3 hours. We both needed it. Now I am wide awake. We are about to take Sam on a long walk and get some groceries along the way. Tomorrow I am off to yoga and then we head to another birthday party.

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

Defiance - part 2 (of many I'm sure)

Yesterday, Gabe spent the day at a friends house while I got some work done. My friend, Oanh, dropped him off around 2pm and he came running up to me and immediately wanted to play with the water hose. I usually don't allow this because of the drought, but I wanted to talk to Oanh so I let him water the grass for a few minutes. Next thing you know, Gabe sprays Oanh's jeans and shoes. I turned the water off and asked Gabe to apologize. He said, "sorry" and then asked to have it on again. I re-enforced that we only water green things - he said ok - and I turned on the water, lower pressure than before. Well, he did not like this, at all. He started whining, "turn the water on higher mom. Turn it up!" I told him no, it was fine like it was. I kid you not, he turns the water hose, points it at my face and sprays me (on power JET setting I might add) for a good 10 seconds. I couldn't even see to stand up. Finally, I got the water turned off and Gabe got a time out. He sat on the porch for 10 minutes before he would even apologize to me. Um, does anyone know what happend to my sweet little boy of just last week? Can I trade this one in for him?

On a happier note, today I took Gabe and Soren to a music class. We sang songs, learned lots of cool new hand motions to go with the songs, danced with scarves (which kind of freaked Gabe out) and played maracas, tamborines, and Gabe's favorite, the triangle. I had to secretly take this picture because Gabe was so self-conscious with the scarves. Do you think he just inherently knows that dancing with scarves is a feminine act and doesn't like it? He sure didn't mind getting his grove on to the other songs. Who knows. Anyway, we had a lot of fun. I highly recommend the class: www.songbirdsmusic.com.

Ok, where did THAT come from?

Today, Gabe embarked on a new level of defiance. It was above the normal, “Gabe, don’t do that,” and him doing it again. Today it went more like:
Me: Gabe, not in your mouth. Car tires are yucky and a choke hazard.
Gabe (full scream): NO I DON’T. DON’T TALK TO ME. LEAVE.
Me: Ok, I’ll leave but I’m taking the tires.
Gabe: NOOOOO. I WANT THE CAR TIRES NOW!
Followed by 2 minutes of crying before he moved on to something else. It was an extrememly defiant day though. Everything was “Gabe, please stop, don’t, I said no.” And of course, he stopped long enough to look me in the eyes and do it again.

What’s even more funny - yesterday he didn’t want to take a nap. I let him watch 10 minutes of cartoons in bed and then told him I was turning the TV off (and did). He started crying and I lay down on the bed next to him and said that I was sorry but it was quiet time. I closed my eyes and while I was pretending to sleep he said (crying), “I want the TV on ALLLWAYSS. Don’t turn the TV off mom. Everrr. No sir. You don’t do that. That’s dangerous. You are in trouble Mr.” It was hilarious hearing many of my corrections thrown back at me, wrong gender use and out of context.

I love my friend.

My friend Leslie is coming in town this weekend. We used to work together at SANDAG - way back when. She moved to Sacramento a few years ago to go to law school and now she is some big shot, fancy smancy environmental lawyer (which I'm very proud of). When she lived in San Diego, she, Rebecca and I would do so many fun things together. This was pre-kid fun, mind you. We would have dinners at Leslie's house - a haven from the shared and hairy living environments Rebecca and I were forced to be a part of - also known as marriage. We would go on hikes, out to dinner, to movies, you know, the regular chick stuff. I miss all that, but mostly I miss our talks. Leslie is one of those people that everybody likes and wants to be friends with. When she is talking to you, she makes you feel like you are the only person in the universe and has about 10 questions lined up at all times to ask you about yourself (and I LOVE talking about me!). She is out-spoken, geniune, honest, funny as hell, and laughs a lot. So on top of feeling super important because you've just been talking about yourself for 10 minutes, she also makes you feel hilarious because she's constantly laughing. And on the rare occasion, when you can get her all to yourself, you can learn about her. She's also very beautiful.

So Leslie, this is my little homage to you. All of my friends deserve a shout out, but today is Leslie's day. Thank you for flying 3,000 miles to be in my wedding. Thank you for flying 500 miles to attend Rebecca's and my 1 year old's birthday parties. Thank you for flying 500 miles to run the last five miles of my marathon with me (and for the really cool shirts). And thank you for being my friend and my family. I love you.

Sunday Night: Anxiety 1, me 0

Last night, 2AM and I lay wide awake. Gabe had a fever and bad cough. He wanted to lay on my lap so we lay there, him radiating 103 degrees of heat but cold so we had the covers on us, me sweating, worrying that he may have pneumonia. My right shoulder was hurting from a combination of an old car wreck injury and inconveniently, the same place I hold my stress. That is when the anxiety kicked in and provided my mind with fuel to race into overdrive for another hour, sporadically giving me bits of sleep for the rest of the night.

This form of anxiety induced insomnia hasn’t happened to me in awhile. I used to wake up pretty regularly around 3AM for about an hour until I upped my yoga. My yoga helps sleep pretty soundly and pain free. Even though it wasn’t working for me last night, I knew that by 8:30AM this morning, I would feel all better as the pain would get stretched out in yoga class. Then something hit me. What if I got pregnant again and couldn’t do my yoga due to morning sickness or the heat is too much for the baby? And then my mind – and shoulder pain – went to town. What if the baby is born and I can’t go to yoga or work out at all and I’m in worse condition than I was when Gabe was born. I don’t want to ever go through that again. Having another baby is definitely worth the risk and I’m 110% sure of that, I just wish I could do a better job of controlling it all sometimes. I have a shut off tool that usually works, it’s when it doesn’t that I lose and the anxiety wins.

On a brighter note, this morning I am pain free (and sleepy). I was right after all, yoga made it all better. It also cleared my head and made me realize that what I didn’t have with Gabe was the knowledge that Bikram yoga existed and would work for me. Back then I didn’t know that I would ever get better which exacerbated the pain, anxiety, and depression. Now that I know I have it, there is no reason or possibility of my pain getting that bad again. Too bad I don’t think this clearly at 2AM. Maybe someone should consider opening a 2AM yoga class for insomniacs. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t attend.

By the way, Gabe is ok. He went to the doctor and may have a virus but his lungs are fine. His fever is lower today.