I love my friend.

My friend Leslie is coming in town this weekend. We used to work together at SANDAG - way back when. She moved to Sacramento a few years ago to go to law school and now she is some big shot, fancy smancy environmental lawyer (which I'm very proud of). When she lived in San Diego, she, Rebecca and I would do so many fun things together. This was pre-kid fun, mind you. We would have dinners at Leslie's house - a haven from the shared and hairy living environments Rebecca and I were forced to be a part of - also known as marriage. We would go on hikes, out to dinner, to movies, you know, the regular chick stuff. I miss all that, but mostly I miss our talks. Leslie is one of those people that everybody likes and wants to be friends with. When she is talking to you, she makes you feel like you are the only person in the universe and has about 10 questions lined up at all times to ask you about yourself (and I LOVE talking about me!). She is out-spoken, geniune, honest, funny as hell, and laughs a lot. So on top of feeling super important because you've just been talking about yourself for 10 minutes, she also makes you feel hilarious because she's constantly laughing. And on the rare occasion, when you can get her all to yourself, you can learn about her. She's also very beautiful.

So Leslie, this is my little homage to you. All of my friends deserve a shout out, but today is Leslie's day. Thank you for flying 3,000 miles to be in my wedding. Thank you for flying 500 miles to attend Rebecca's and my 1 year old's birthday parties. Thank you for flying 500 miles to run the last five miles of my marathon with me (and for the really cool shirts). And thank you for being my friend and my family. I love you.

Sunday Night: Anxiety 1, me 0

Last night, 2AM and I lay wide awake. Gabe had a fever and bad cough. He wanted to lay on my lap so we lay there, him radiating 103 degrees of heat but cold so we had the covers on us, me sweating, worrying that he may have pneumonia. My right shoulder was hurting from a combination of an old car wreck injury and inconveniently, the same place I hold my stress. That is when the anxiety kicked in and provided my mind with fuel to race into overdrive for another hour, sporadically giving me bits of sleep for the rest of the night.

This form of anxiety induced insomnia hasn’t happened to me in awhile. I used to wake up pretty regularly around 3AM for about an hour until I upped my yoga. My yoga helps sleep pretty soundly and pain free. Even though it wasn’t working for me last night, I knew that by 8:30AM this morning, I would feel all better as the pain would get stretched out in yoga class. Then something hit me. What if I got pregnant again and couldn’t do my yoga due to morning sickness or the heat is too much for the baby? And then my mind – and shoulder pain – went to town. What if the baby is born and I can’t go to yoga or work out at all and I’m in worse condition than I was when Gabe was born. I don’t want to ever go through that again. Having another baby is definitely worth the risk and I’m 110% sure of that, I just wish I could do a better job of controlling it all sometimes. I have a shut off tool that usually works, it’s when it doesn’t that I lose and the anxiety wins.

On a brighter note, this morning I am pain free (and sleepy). I was right after all, yoga made it all better. It also cleared my head and made me realize that what I didn’t have with Gabe was the knowledge that Bikram yoga existed and would work for me. Back then I didn’t know that I would ever get better which exacerbated the pain, anxiety, and depression. Now that I know I have it, there is no reason or possibility of my pain getting that bad again. Too bad I don’t think this clearly at 2AM. Maybe someone should consider opening a 2AM yoga class for insomniacs. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t attend.

By the way, Gabe is ok. He went to the doctor and may have a virus but his lungs are fine. His fever is lower today.

So hard, but so good

My alarm went off at 5:45am. I felt unbelievably sleepy and the alarm chime became part of some warm dream now forgotten. Then I popped out of bed, almost on autopilot. Walked into the bathroom where my yoga clothes were neatly waiting for me. I started to brush my teeth and that's when the pre-yoga head games began.

"I'm so sleepy, maybe I need more rest. I should go back to bed. No you're up now, you won't be able to go back to sleep. Go to yoga. But I don't think I drank enough water yesterday. I'll be exhausted. You'll be fine. I'm feeling sad, I need to snuggle Gabe. No, yoga will help you be a better mom to Gabe. What if I am cranky later because I haven't had enough sleep and I'm extra tired from not drinking enough water? You'll be fine. Go. But I can go tomorrow." Then it hit me that I can't go tomorrow and the game was over. The good side won.

Believe it or not. This conversation in my head took 5 minutes. It amazes me how powerful and consuming the lazy, sleepy side can be. Needless to say, I felt a thousand times better after I left yoga. Not 100 times, a 1,000 times better. No longer feeling sad, and I feeling super strong because I kicked some yoga butt (and pre-yoga head game butt). And being tired and "supposedly" not drinking enough water did not seem to slow me down. I hope I can remember all of this on Sunday AM, when the head games return.

Good job will-power and thank you yoga. I cannot express enough how happy I am to have found something that works for me on so many levels.

Love our mommy preschool

The last two weeks of mommy preschool have been super fun. Last week we learned a lot of new songs, decorated the first letter of our name and PEELED A BOILED EGG. Gabe loved that. He was very tenacious and concentrated during the whole process. This week, the topic was germination. We learned about how seeds grow - then planted seeds in our very own pot and watered them. Now we get to wait and watch it grow.

Potty training is going ok. He gets it best in the morning. The afternoons are more difficult. But practice makes perfect. We're still taking it slow.

Friends, friends, 1,2,3

All my friends are here with me. Gabe and I have been making some great new friends through our weekly coop preschool. Here is a picture of Gabe with his new friends Ruhi and Aryav (and his mom Payal).

The first day of potty training

It started out strong. No accidents until after nap time. It's going to be a long week.

Saturday nights

This past Saturday, we met some friends at Bird Park in North Park to listen to a band. Its a weekly event with tons of kids and parents running around. Gabe had a blast.